Alumni Speaker Series: Benjamin Karney '76-'80
This past March Dr. Benjamin Karney ’76-’80 returned to campus to speak with our Human Development students. Ben is a Professor of Social Psychology at UCLA and an adjunct behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation.
His specialty is interpersonal relationships. Ben explained to our students that for the past 25 years he’s been studying the science of love.
You have a relationship of interdependence with your dentist! But there’s not a lot of diversity of interactions with him or her. You sit in the chair and spit, and the dentist pokes around in there, and maybe adjusts your braces.
Ben enlightened the students with a scientific approach to love. He covered concepts such as the Reward Theory of Attraction:
We’re attracted to people that we expect are able to provide us with rewards, like compliments, being friendly, telling us funny jokes, etc.
Ben also expanded our students’ vocabulary of love, explaining that limerence is the feeling of obsession that you get when you are romantically attracted to someone. They learned that there is indeed a scientific name for that sensation of butterflies in your stomach!
Ben went on to describe in-depth scientific research studies that have expanded our knowledge of how we relate to one another. Our students were interested to find out that interpersonal relationships (like friendship and love) are studied and researched like any other form of science.
It is sometimes hard to communicate with people who like you what it is that you really want from them. That’s a worthwhile thing to keep in mind. Those are challenging situations that are probably worth talking more about.
It was easy for the students to see how passionate Ben is about his area of study, and how the findings of his and his colleagues have wider implications in society:
Being a Professor is a great job because you get to pick a topic that you care about, and then you can spend the rest of your life studying that topic- which is kind of awesome. Every poem, every pop song, and every movie is about what I study: which is us.
Dr. Benjamin Karney Ph.D. is Professor of Social Psychology at UCLA, and an adjunct behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation. Ben is an expert on interpersonal relationships, especially marriage, and has done extensive research on how relationship processes and interactions are constrained or enhanced by the contexts in which they take place. Currently this includes research on marriages in the military, funded by the Department of Defense, and marriages in low-income populations, funded by the National Institute on Child Health and Human Development. Before returning to Los Angeles, he served as a tenured member of the faculty of the psychology department at the University of Florida, where his research examined change and stability in early marriage, focusing on the processes through which initially satisfying marriages either remain satisfying or deteriorate over time. He has been the director and principle investigator of the Florida Project on Newlywed Marriage and Adult Development (FPNMAD), a series of longitudinal studies of the first years of marriage, and in 2003, he conducted the baseline survey of marriage and families for the state of Florida as part of their initiative to strengthen families. He is also an expert consultant for the Strengthening Healthy Marriage project, an 8-year national experimental study of marital interventions for low-income populations, sponsored by the Administration on Children and Families. He has twice been the recipient of the National Council on Family Relation’s Reuben Hill Research and Theory Award for outstanding contributions to family science. Ben has co-authored several books in his area of expertise, including his latest: "Love Me Slender: How Smart Couples Team Up to Lose Weight, Exercise More, and Stay Healthy Together," currently available on Amazon.com. You can also check out some of his lectures and videos about couples talking about their health on his YouTube channel.
My job is to study, think about, and write about how people fall in love, and how people stay in love.
Ben described that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) rely on interdependence, and that the nature of the relationship depends on both the length of the interdependence and the diversity of the interactions experienced.
Ben described that all relationships (romantic or otherwise) rely on interdependence, and that the nature of the relationship depends on both the length of the interdependence and the diversity of the interactions experienced.
You have a relationship of interdependence with your dentist! But there’s not a lot of diversity of interactions with him or her. You sit in the chair and spit, and the dentist pokes around in there, and maybe adjusts your braces.
Ben enlightened the students with a scientific approach to love. He covered concepts such as the Reward Theory of Attraction:
We’re attracted to people that we expect are able to provide us with rewards, like compliments, being friendly, telling us funny jokes, etc.
Ben also expanded our students’ vocabulary of love, explaining that limerence is the feeling of obsession that you get when you are romantically attracted to someone. They learned that there is indeed a scientific name for that sensation of butterflies in your stomach!
Ben went on to describe in-depth scientific research studies that have expanded our knowledge of how we relate to one another. Our students were interested to find out that interpersonal relationships (like friendship and love) are studied and researched like any other form of science.
It is sometimes hard to communicate with people who like you what it is that you really want from them. That’s a worthwhile thing to keep in mind. Those are challenging situations that are probably worth talking more about.
It was easy for the students to see how passionate Ben is about his area of study, and how the findings of his and his colleagues have wider implications in society:
Being a Professor is a great job because you get to pick a topic that you care about, and then you can spend the rest of your life studying that topic- which is kind of awesome. Every poem, every pop song, and every movie is about what I study: which is us.
Dr. Benjamin Karney Ph.D. is Professor of Social Psychology at UCLA, and an adjunct behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation. Ben is an expert on interpersonal relationships, especially marriage, and has done extensive research on how relationship processes and interactions are constrained or enhanced by the contexts in which they take place. Currently this includes research on marriages in the military, funded by the Department of Defense, and marriages in low-income populations, funded by the National Institute on Child Health and Human Development. Before returning to Los Angeles, he served as a tenured member of the faculty of the psychology department at the University of Florida, where his research examined change and stability in early marriage, focusing on the processes through which initially satisfying marriages either remain satisfying or deteriorate over time. He has been the director and principle investigator of the Florida Project on Newlywed Marriage and Adult Development (FPNMAD), a series of longitudinal studies of the first years of marriage, and in 2003, he conducted the baseline survey of marriage and families for the state of Florida as part of their initiative to strengthen families. He is also an expert consultant for the Strengthening Healthy Marriage project, an 8-year national experimental study of marital interventions for low-income populations, sponsored by the Administration on Children and Families. He has twice been the recipient of the National Council on Family Relation’s Reuben Hill Research and Theory Award for outstanding contributions to family science. Ben has co-authored several books in his area of expertise, including his latest: "Love Me Slender: How Smart Couples Team Up to Lose Weight, Exercise More, and Stay Healthy Together," currently available on Amazon.com. You can also check out some of his lectures and videos about couples talking about their health on his YouTube channel.
A Horse With No Name No More
from the 2018-2019 Meridian
from the 2018-2019 Meridian
After the school rebranded a few years ago, Athletic Director Angela Brown felt that something was missing. While new uniforms were donned for the first day of school, new signs were hung around campus, and a new website launched to accompany refreshed marketing materials, the font-forward design left something to be desired when it came to truly raising team spirit to the power of Mirman.
In a school where more than half of the student body participates in some form of competitive athletics, and on a campus where a significant expansion created pristine courts and fields upon which one can cheer on several teams on any given day, Brown saw opportunity and sensed desire to elevate the program. After working with Jenn Salcido, Director of Marketing and Communications, and Noah Kaufman, Director of Advancement, the school’s branding was expanded to include a strong, confident (though K-8-appropriate) steed. New universal uniforms, sweatsuits, and swag followed suit.
“It’s a truly exciting time for athletics at Mirman,” said Brown. “It’s a sense of pride that you can see and feel. It’s almost like we’ve arrived. You could have taken a snapshot of the students in their old uniforms, and then with their new ones with the names on the back. It’s a rallying cry. You can see the pride on their faces.”
Finally, everyone could don uniforms featuring their own names writ large. Everyone except, of course, the horse. Everyone knew we had a mascot — you’d see the nameless Mustang trotted out for the occasional assembly or championship bout — but nobody really knew the mascot.
What if the community could help change that?
Last fall, Brown and her colleagues in the Physical Education department introduced a contest at an all-school assembly. The objective: not only to name the Mustang, but to tell the mascot’s story. Over the course of a 6-day cycle, ballots were collected from every grade level in both divisions. With Salcido’s help, Brown and Assistant to the Athletic Director Alyssa Woods tallied the results.
The judges carefully considered the entries, assessing them on an unwritten rubric including points for overall catchiness, gender-neutrality, universal appeal, and other considerations. As the dust settled, one clear winner emerged: Rider. In retrospect, it seemed rather obvious. The school had only recently unveiled its Core Values (Responsibility, Integrity, Discovery, Empathy, and Resilience). And as equine monikers go, Rider makes a certain degree of sense. The name was revealed with much aplomb at an all-school assembly, with Rider trotting out on stage to show off a newly-minted personalized jersey.
The winning entry belonged to Room 4L students Victoria A. and Amelie S., who soon revealed that they had a little help from their friends, specifically former Room 4L co-teacher and current Librarian Allison Sparks.
“We had just had a community circle in class talking about the Core Values,” said Sparks. “This was something new to me as a new member of the Mirman community. When I asked the class out loud if they’d considered Rider for the Mustang name, a few of the students wanted to suggest it.”
“I laughed it off and dismissed the idea,” Sparks admitted. “I thought that since it had come from an adult, it wouldn’t count. But when I saw how excited they were when they submitted it, I knew the name rang true. It really came out of an ‘a ha’ moment we had together as a class.
“It relates so much to our school and Core Values and helps us make sure we’re always doing the right thing,” said Victoria A. of the new name.
“It’s amazing to be part of our school history,” added Amelie S.
The two girls, who themselves represent Mirman on the basketball court and soccer fields as part of the Room 4 teams, admitted that, like many great ideas, their first iteration didn’t ring quite as true. “I think we wanted to do mustard,” said Victoria.
“Or mayonnaise,” said Amelie.
As it turns out, most things do get better with teamwork.
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KIDS’ CHOICE
Like any ballot box, this one was not without its curiosities once opened up. Here were a few of the voting trends:
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A Biography of Rider
By Victoria A. and Amelie S., Room 4L
(with editorial assistance from an anonymous magazine editor)
Once upon a time, a beautiful horse was born. He* shook himself and stood up, curious about the world around him. He began to walk through the forest, stopping every so often to grab some fruit from a tree. After a while, he came upon a group of two little girls and their teacher walking through the woods.
“Hi horse! What’s your name?” the little girl asked.
“I don’t have a name, actually. What’s yours?” the horse answered.
“Woah, I can actually understand you,” said the little girl. “That’s so cool!”
The girls and their teacher spoke with the horse a while longer, introducing themselves and getting to know each other. They wondered aloud why the horse didn’t have a name.
“I just haven’t thought of one yet,” he said. “I’ve only just been born!”
The trio brainstormed about names for a while, but then got sidetracked with what they all wanted to be when they grew up. “Do you have any ideas,” asked the teacher?”
“I want to be a head of school!” one of the girls said. “And my school will need to have Core Values, but I don’t know what those should be.”
“Maybe I can help you,” volunteered the horse.
“You need to have responsibility,” began the teacher. “And integrity.”
“And empathy for other horses!” said the horse.
“We’ll need to discover things along the way!” said the other girl.
“And you’ll need some resilience,” the horse finished.
Suddenly, the trio and the horse looked at one another. “How would you feel if we called you Rider in honor of those core values?” asked the teacher.
By now, you know how this story ends — happily ever after, surrounded by the cheering crowds.
*while Rider is a male horse in this story, we know from his biographers that he really can be any gender! Everyone can and should be able to identify with Rider.
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that is free from discrimination of any kind. Mirman School does not
discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, gender, gender
expression, sexual orientation, or national or ethnic origin in its admission
process or in the administration of any school program or policy.
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